Time Out for Women

Last weekend I went to Time Out for Women in Layton.  Not only was the conference amazing but I had the fun opportunity to be there with my sister Laurie and all of her girls, Ashlie, Haley, Kori, Whitney, and Courtney.  I really had a fun time.  Things like that are a real breath of fresh air to my soul.  It's great to find the individual inside the mommy.

♫ Footloose ♪

Paul and I went to see the new Footloose the other night.  It was amazing what a few (or many) years will do to your perspective.  When the first Footloose came out (yes, I am THAT old) I identified wholeheartedly with the teens and looked at those parents as ridiculous.  As we sat and enjoyed the new movie, I found myself horrified at Ariel's attitude and loose morals.  I wondered what Paul was thinking about the scantily clad actress.  I looked over and realized that he was having much the same thoughts as I was.  I knew we were both thinking of our sweet little girls at home.

You know you are getting old when although you can remember what it was like to be a teenager, you identify more with the overprotective parents.

A New Year

It's a wonderful time of year!  The garden is producing fresh vegetables, the near future holds a promise of cooler temperatures, colored leaves, harvest and the satisfaction of rows of bottled fruit.  Best of all, is the smell of newly sharpened pencils, backpacks, and a fevered enthusiasm for school days (the kids are excited too).
I always enjoy the return to schedule and order, especially since in anticipation of the loss of their freedom, our last week of summer is filled with bickering, teasing and fighting.  Ahhh, the sound of a whip figuratively cracking over homework laden children...

P.S.  I got the cute signs Here, however, I saw another person had made cute signs with the teacher's name on them which in retrospect I wish I had done.  That and chosen a different backdrop, but I'm lucky to get a picture at on on the crazy 1st day of school.

My former video game hating self

I was reminded of my former self a couple of weeks ago. In Relief Society at church we were discussing different kinds of addictions and how to avoid them. Video gaming came up as something that could easily become an addiction leading to many negative consequences such as job loss, family quality, etc. There was a cute young married girl without children who made the comment that she had made the decision to never have a gaming system in her house. I was reminded of when I too had very strong convictions about the negative aspects of gaming and had decided that I would never have it in my house for my children. I knew the statistics, I had seen it in the lives of my elementary school students, it just wasn't going to happen. Then I became a mom.

It all began with a trampoline. I had also decided that we wouldn't have a trampoline. They were too dangerous and the liability of the neighbor kids jumping too was just something I didn't want to deal with. Then the neighbors got a trampoline. My kids loved it! I was a little nervous but I gave the lecture about being careful, watching out for those smaller than you, not having too many children on at once, etc, etc. Then, one day, I walked over to there to collect my children at dinner time. Not only were there 12 kids on the trampoline at once, but I discovered that the father who lived there liked to do aerial ski jumping and so had raised the trampoline to my shoulder level in order to avoid hitting the ground while practicing his aerials. I was on the Internet the next day looking for a good used trampoline. I had decided that with the trampoline in my backyard I could supervise the number of children jumping and what was happening on that trampoline. I needed to be involved and aware.

Then came video games. I never wanted gaming in my home. I just knew that I could provide more wholesome, fun ways for my kids to spend their time. I was impervious to the pleading, whining, crying, insults etc. and the kids gave me a hard time too. ;) That was until the kids began disappearing to their friends' houses for hours everyday. It wasn't as fun at our house. I was losing my children! Not only were they gone, but I didn't know anything about the types of games they were playing nor what percentage of time they spent playing video games vs. other forms of play and interaction. I suspected that hours upon hours were spent staring zombie-like at a glowing screen even when it was beautiful weather outside.

And so, I was humbled again by practicalities. We began with an old Game Boy and progressed to a Wii. Now I know the games they are playing. When they play here, after a short amount of game time, I can happily suggest other wholesome, fun activities. The thrill of the forbidden has been removed. They don't feel a desperation to play video games for as long as they can, whenever they get the chance. They don't even play every day anymore. My children are learning the value of moderation. I found it is impossible to teach moderation and complete abstinence at the same time. I will save the absolute abstinence instruction for other, more crucial aspects of life.

Now, in all fairness, this is my philosophy of what works for my family. I know many families that do not play video games or even have a t.v. for that matter, and it works for them. Paul had a friend growing up that didn't have a t.v. but everyone wanted to hang out at his house. He had other magnets such as a pool table, Foosball, and shelves and shelves of the coolest board games, among other things. They also provided an almost endless supply of snacks and sodas.

I guess what it comes down to, is the need to keep in contact with your kids. If you have boys, chances are it will include video games in some way. Maybe that cute sister in relief society will have all girls and video gaming won't really even be an issue. The key is finding a way to keep them coming home and bringing their friends. Every family needs to find what works for them. I know of the absolute necessity of keeping my kids close, knowing their friends, and communicating.

One of those days

Today was one of those days when being wife, mother, maid, laundress,Cub Scout leader, summer activities director, gardener, landscaper, lawnmower, motivational speaker, disciplinarian, educator, life counselor, computer graphics expert, television screener, social director, nutritionist, chef, shopper, coupon clipper, boo-boo kisser, librarian, piano practice enforcer, referree, nay sayer, tantrum diffuser...etc...etc...etc... is just more than I can tackle.  I'm wishing for a cold drink, a comfy lounge chair, a good book, and some guilt-free quiet.

Teaching our children to fall

We had an amazing guest speaker in Releif Society today.  She was in a car accident at 15 months old and paralyzed from the waist down.  Her smile was so contaigious and her enjoyment of life was palpable.  Among her many other talents, she is a very accomplished violinist with the Orchestra at Temple Square. She shared so many great lessons and experiences but one really stood out to me.  She spoke about her mother and the choice her parents made, to push her to do hard things, to stretch, to reach and not let the fear of failure stop her from trying. 

She talked about how her mother wanted her to be independent at school and so had another woman in a wheel chair come to teach her how to fall correctly out of her wheel chair so that she would be able to get back in by herself.  By doing this, she gave her freedom from having an aide follow her all day in case she fell.  Then she progressed to learning to use braces and crutches.  Again, she had to learn how to fall in a certain way so that she would be able to reach her crutches and get back up.  She and her mother would go for walks and at any given time, and on any terrain her mother would instruct her to fall and then get back up.  Although the learning process was painful and she came to dread the walks with her mother, she attained a level of independance and confidence that could not have be attained in any other way.

As I reflected on this amazing woman's message, I thought of a loving Heavenly Father who sent us here to a mortal life to learn and gain experience that could not be obtained in any other way.  Although His purpose is for us to have joy, He allows us to feel pain, make choices, good or bad, and choose to follow His plan of happiness...or not.  He has given us instructions and guidance for when we fall, knowing that we would.  He has provided a way back to Him despite our imperfections, but will never force us nor deny us the consequences of our choices.

My thoughts then turned to my children and my parenting.  Am I preparing my children to fall?  I know they will, no matter how I want to spare them pain.  But, do I really want to deny them the chance to learn what they have come to learn?  I know that the pain of consequences can be the most fertile soil for learning.  Am I letting them experience the full impact of consequences while they are still relatively minor stumbles?  If I want them to learn to avoid the most painful, unecessary falls I cannot soften the blows as my soft mother heart desires.  Am I effectively showing them the path of repentance, mercy, and love that will help them to rise from those falls?  Those are lessons they can never learn if I am always there to catch them.  
Balancinglove, acceptance, cheerleading, advocacy, with watching, with pain in my heart, as they fall and then struggle to their knees on their own.  Teaching them to seek the help of one who knows how to teach them to grow better than I.  This is a balancing act I fear I will never master, but I will try because I must bow to the master teacher, and because I love my children.

Emma's Testimony

As a regular part of our Family Home Evening, we have started to encourage each member of the family take a turn bearing their testimony.  It has been an incredible experience the last few months.  Paul and I have really been touched and learned so much from our children. 

One such experience was when Emma said, "Even though I try really hard to be good, I still make mistakes."  "I am thankful for second chances."

I too am thankful for second chances, especially as a parent.  I try really hard to be good but I still make lots of mistakes.  I am thankful for forgiving children who don't hold grudges and still love me with all their hearts.  I am also thankful for an understanding and forgiving Savior who listens and accepts my heartfelt repentance, even if it is for the same mistakes over and over again.
What wisdom there is to be found in the testimonies of children!  Oh, to be like a little child.

Emma on modesty

I was listening in on a conversation from the backseat between the two girls.  They had the Ariel Barbie and Jenna asked why her tummy was showing.  We have been working to teach our girls about dressing modestly and I have wondered how to handle the competing world views.  As I scrambled in my brain to come up with an explanation they could understand and accept, Emma beat me to it with a much better explanation than I was preparing.  I was ready to dive into the fact that not everyone has the same standards that we do and the fact that the makers of the doll don't think or believe the same things we do etc etc.... 

Emma's explanation was perfect.  "She is a mermaid and lives in the water.  If she wore a long shirt in the water it would get very wet and heavy.  When she becomes a girl she covers her tummy."   I need to retrain my brain.  Perfect simplicity!

Diversity in pain

Last night I found myself marveling at the diversity of pain in our household.  This epiphany was brought on by a sharp pain in my foot as I pattered around in the dark checking on the kids and closing down the house for the day.  I thought I had stepped on a Lego piece, yet again, but then I discovered it was Cinderella Barbie's glass slipper that she must have lost as she ran to beat the bedtime clock chimes.  It's positive proof that we are an equal opportunity household when it comes to pain inducing toys. 

Another example might be a comparison between the obnoxious princess cash register noises and the whine of the remote control monster truck.  Or maybe, the screams of children crashing off of the cool rip stick vs. the pink Barbie bike. 

Paul also added that it is difficult to determine whether the pain from an unexpected football thrown a little low, or a knee from an exuberant child leaping into his lap registers higher on his pain scale.

Not to be forgotten is the earsplitting pain of the equal and competing volume of four children running laps while playing chase on a Sunday afternoon.  (For those of you who thought we spend our Sundays reading scriptures and thinking of kind words to say to each other, you just keep right on thinking that, OK?)

So... it turns out it is not a competition between boys and girls or their toys.  The pain competition is between children and parents.  I'll let you guess who  is on the winning side.  However, when it comes to blessings, lessons learned, love received, and joy filled hearts, the parents sweep!

Teachers and Student

Last night Paul and I stayed up late to finish my homework assignment that I forgot was due yesterday. I signed up for Jordan's "star of the week" week at back to school night the first week of school. Unfortunately, I forgot to write it on the calendar. My little boy tried to tell me when he got home from school but I was busy cleaning up my 8th potty training incident of the day. He tried to remind me as I frantically tried to throw dinner together because the aforementioned incident set me back a precious 20 minutes. He tried to tell us as we sang a primary song to which we couldn't remember the words as we fought the frustration of having 10 minutes before bedtime to pull off Family Home Evening. When we finally got to the family business portion of Family Night, he took his time to inform us that he was supposed to have a "cool" poster with tons of pictures and a treat. He should have had it yesterday but "that's okay, I can take it tomorrow". I was a humbled mother. He was forgiving, flexible, understanding, and positive. If that wasn't enough, he was trusting and showed confidence that I would mother up* to the task and not let him down. This was his chance to shine in front of his classmates and enjoy the spotlight. He had confidence that even though I had not lived up to my responsibilities, I would make everything right.

*Mother up: derived from the saying "man up" but referring to the expectations and responsibilities a mother must live up to. Though I've never been a man or been expected to "man up" I believe to "mother up" is more difficult with more lasting consequences. Think about it.

This morning, when Jordan saw the Rice Krispie treats Paul had made and the poster I made compete with stars I luckily happened to have on hand and poor quality photos printed on my printer at 10:30 pm, he exclaimed “This is so cool, thanks Mom!” My heart leaped with gratitude for my pack rat tendencies which vomit supplies at urgent moments.

And then my heart softened again with humility. As the kids all ran off to school, I flashed back to yesterday afternoon, when I ranted at my other child who had forgotten to turn in the homework that he had finally completed a week late. This was after countless (not so patient) reminders, and being grounded for 3 days. I mentally replayed the last strand of my patience slipping through my fingertips. As I reflected on all of the positive attributes Jordan had displayed with all of his 8 years of earthly experience, I found myself in awe of the spirit of Christ evident in my little boy. I was ashamed. As a mother I should be the example. I should be the one showing Christ-like love, mercy, patience, forgiveness. How can my child’s feeling of self worth and knowledge of his mother’s love, trust, and confidence compare with missing math worksheets? I am reminded of a better way to motivate. Unfortunately, in the frustration, exasperation, and anger of a moment I forget what I know.

The longer I have been a mother, the more I realize I have to learn and apply. There is so much my children can teach me. I hope I can be a good student in the short time I have them as teachers.

Our Summer Bucket List

I saw this idea on a blog and decided it would a good way to keep us motivated to do fun things together this summer. It also gives tangible evidence contrary to the "we never get to do anything fun" comments. We began with the disclaimer that this is an idea only list and by no means a guarantee! We have already checked off a few items. Although it is somewhat childish, this also helps me feel a little better about being the "mean mom" who makes their kids do chores during the summer.

We have been talking about "team Bruderer" and how we need to work and play together as a team. Last night for Family Home evening, we had a short intro and then went out to work in the yard. While Dad mowed, the kids and I weeded and replanted peppers that were destroyed in the worst wind storm last week. Because it was light for so long, we were able to work until 9:30 or 10. After we cleaned up, we took a couple of blankets out on the lawn and did some not so serious stargazing. We also did plenty of squirming and giggling. (Gardening, check. Stargazing, check. Summer fun, check.) We talked about constellations, and the possibility of other solar systems with planets with people on them. It was interesting to talk to my 7 and 10 year olds about the nature of their Heavenly Father, that we are His children and that any other children He may have on other planets would probably look like us rather than little green men. Christian then went so far to suppose that Heavenly Father would want them to know of the plan of salvation too and therefore they would probably have scripture too. Scripture written by different prophets. It's amazing where a conversation can lead. Paul and I have decided that this will be a fun, productive summer solstice tradition.
We will be making this list work for us and having a lot of fun doing it!

Jail Break!

We had our first Jail Sale today (say that five times fast). We have been gathering toys or other items not put away as they should be, generally after multiple warnings, and putting them in "jail". Jail is not fancy, just a box in the furnace room. They can buy their things using the money in their allowance and job account at any time. We keep track on a big white board which is much easier than trying to find exact change to pay them. At the end of each month we will have a jail sale which is their last chance to buy their things before they are donated or sold at our discretion. Things were priced from .10 to 1.50. We figure that if it's not worth paying for, it's not worth the storage space.
This idea came from a memory Paul has of a friend that came to school one day wearing two different shoes. When his friends teased him he explained that one shoe from each pair was in "jail". We have taken this idea and adapted it for our family.
Ultimately, we are hoping to teach our children to care for, and appreciate their things. We also want them to realize the value of what they have. Not to mention being able to clear out some of the toys they really don't care about.
We also award "Get out of Jail Free" cards for good behavior such as cleaning up without being asked, being kind or thoughtful, being first to the dinner table or other desirable behavior. Each card is good for one free item. If the same item gets put in jail 3 times, it is no longer available to buy back. They are getting better at remembering to put away the Wii controllers. They have already lost them once!
They bought everything today and had fun doing it. I tried my best to remind them that they are having to spend their money for their own things and that if they had taken care of them they wouldn't be there in the first place. We'll see how this month goes. They have been warned that we will be more consistent in putting things in jail and that prices will likely go up. It's always fun to have a new system to change things up a bit.

Echoes of myself

Listening to Emma downstairs playing:

"Time for dinner everyone"

"K guys, come to the table"

"Why are you not here?"

"People, it's time for dinner and I still see empty chairs here!"

What is the difference between knowledge and wisdom?

We had an interesting afternoon which led to an interesting discussion over dinner. Beginning 3 days ago, our three oldest children build a VERY large maze of tents made from various materials, pvc pipes and blankets, chairs and blankets, boxes, play tents, and all the various "supplies" to go in it. Needless to say, for us as parents, it was a cleaning nightmare. We very firmly believe that if you make the mess you are responsible to clean it up. As a result, we had a hard time seeing the "coolness" of it all through the yelling, crying, overwhemling chore ahead. We tried to be supportive and gave them a couple of days to enjoy their city before requiring it to be dismantled.

Ironically, once the thrill of the build was over, very little enjoying actually happened.

Today, before dinner, was the deadline. They were informed days ago that if they did not complete the clean up and pass inspection before dinner, they would not be invited to dinner. They were given daily reminders of this deadline and helpful suggestions that cleaning up a little at a time would be easier than tackling it all at once. They chose not to take advice and so we had much groaning and complaining shortly before dinner. Thankfully, they were able to finish before dinner was over but did not get quite as much dinner as they would have liked because they were late.

We asked Christian (the mastermind) if he could think of three ways he could have avoided such a trying situation and he was able to answer very throughly. Then Paul asked him a question his mission president used to ask, "What is the difference between knowledge and wisdom?" Christian had an idea but was unable to articulate it. Paul said that simply stated, the difference is that wisdom is being able to successfully apply the knowledge we gain. He then said, "You now have knowledge, but are you wise? What will you do next time?"

I think we all need more wisdom in our lives. In fact, I think I will find a way to post this question in our home office to remind our family to apply the knowledge we gain.

Random Questions

Lest anyone think I know everything there is to know about everything (haha).... Here are some random questions floating around in my brain. Might as well let them float around in the dark abyss of my blog instead:

1. While unpacking my food storage I came to wonder when "Best by" dates become "if you eat this you will turn into a mutant from the half life radioactivity and then DIE"
2. What vegetables can grow with little sunlight so I can plant them under fruit trees and thereby avoid wasting garden space?
3. Can I spray paint all the projects I have pending in the 40º temperature of my garage? The can says it should be at least 50º, but what difference is 10 lousy degrees, and who follows directions anyway? I'm really into spray paint lately, don't worry, no sniffing is involved, however, I really have a lot of painting to do...
4. How do people get their little girls' hair to stay so cute and smooth ALL day? My girls look like they've stuck their fingers in a light socket after 10 min.
5. Is there some home improvement gene I missed out on or is it just that Murphy and his dumb law dog my every attempt to tackle a project. I keep trying to lower my expectations but they can't get much lower lately. Nothing EVER works the first time or even the second or third! Ahhhh!!
6. How do I teach my kids family loyalty? How do I inspire them to side with their sibling rather than treating them like something they found on the bottom of their shoe every time a friend comes around? I guess they don't do it every time, but enough to make me wonder if they are being selectively possessed when friends come over. They are really quite good friends if there isn't anyone else around.
7. Is there a hearing aid for children with selective hearing? How do I get their attention when they don't want to listen? I have tried everything I have heard of, especially with Emma, she is a pro! She could work in government.
8. Why is it that when I eat 1 piece of pie I gain 5 pounds but when I work out for 5 weeks I can't drop one?
9. How is it that my children can go through more rolls of toilet paper in a week than pairs of underwear?
10. Why is it that when given a stack of book orders with many choices for quality reading experiences, my kids choose the Pokémon book?

This is in no way even remotely a complete documentation of my confusion. I am sure there will be more to come. Any enlightenment you have to offer on these subjects will result in something close to adoration on my part. Otherwise, they will forever float in cyberspace because as you know, anything you put on the internet is eternal.

Choice mother moment

I just found myself in an interesting position. I don't know if I can adequately describe the somewhat out of body experience as I consider the indignity of my present condition. I am dressed in sweat pants crawling on my hands and knees feeling for a "wet" spot on the carpet as my toddler yells "Giddy-up horsey" from my back. I happen to be on the floor searching for that elusive "wet" spot because my preschooler just informed me she "had an accident" on the carpet but can't remember where because she was too busy watching Dora fend off swiper with those canonized words (at least at our house), "Swiper, no swiping".
I am both happy and chagrined to hear the buzzer on the dryer signaling the end of the drying cycle of the jeans. This means I can get out of these unflattering sweat pants that make me feel 10 lbs heavier than I already am. I need my motherhood uniform, jeans and a slightly stained t-shirt. Even though I have 3 pairs of jeans and do laundry twice a week, I can't seem to ever have a clean pair come laundry day. Go figure! However, my chagrin comes at the realization that the wet jeans my sweet daughter just threw in the laundry basket missed the batch. It always seems to happen that way.
Having found the spot (yes with my bare hands) and cleaned it, I move on to mop the wet footprints she tracked through the house to tell me all about what had happened. In the process unseating an unhappy cowgirl whose greatest wish at the moment is to ride off into a distant sunset.
"The out of body part?" you may ask. The feeling of deja-vu. The feeling that somehow I have done this many, many, many times before, so many in fact, it really doesn't bother me so much anymore.

Babysitter's tutorial

Since I haven't been asked to run a babysitter's workshop since I had children and I have much to say on the subject, I thought I would provide my expertise and insight here for all the world' s benefit (at least the 3 or 4 people who read my blog). I guess what it really comes down to is, I have an opinion and since no one asks me for it, I am writing it here because I can, so pthhbbpt (that's me blowing a raspberry).


If a babysitter wants to be assured of never getting another babysitting job anywhere in the neighborhood (parents talk), follow these simple suggestions:


Top 14 dos to prevent future jobs

1. Do let children talk you into doing chemistry experiments in the kitchen. Just trust me on this, the children will make it sound so educational and fun !


2. Be sure to bounce the family pet gerbil on the trampoline. They love to have their brains rattled!


3. When allowing the children to eat in their rooms (even though they know it is against the rules), and someone spills popcorn on the floor, be sure to tell them the best solution is to brush it all under the bed.


4. Be sure to take the kids to the park without mentioning the idea to the parents so that when they call and call and call to check on things they are absolutely frantic when no one answers.


5. If a child falls and is injured, especially if blood and swelling are involved, be sure to leave the house as quickly as possible without telling the parents.


6. Please, leave the leftover pizza sitting on the counter and food on the plates, for the parents to clean up when they get home 5 hours later.


7. Be sure to lock yourself and the kids out of the house half way through the movie the parents have gone to.


8. When the parents come home, be sure to have all the lights in the house turned off so everything looks deserted and they will find you sitting, texting in the dark.


9. Do not change the baby's diaper so that the parents can have the joy of being awakened to a shivering cold screaming child and spend the next hour changing pajamas and sheets and quieting a hysterical child.


10. Be sure to take the children to your house so your mother can watch them for you, making the parents question if you are actually capable of babysitting.


11. Let the kids play video games for 5 hours straight so you don't have to interact with them.


12. Always have something better to do so that you are never available when someone calls you to babysit.


13. Let them stay up until the parents get home even if their bedtime was 2 hours earlier, that way they will be cheerful and happy for school the next morning! Parents love to end their evening by putting tired, wound up kids to bed.

14. Please disregard the dinner choices the parents provided and just feed the kids hot dogs, graham crackers, and candy. This will make it easier for them to fall asleep.

All of these have happened at our house with the exception of #2 which happened to a neighbor. A couple of these occurred with the same babysitter. We wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and another chance. It just didn't seem to work out. Most of these babysitters were not called again. If they were it was an emergency and we could find no one else.

We have had some wonderful babysitters too! Girls that have not only rinsed the dishes but either emptied the dishwasher and reloaded it or washed the dishes by hand. They have brought games, toys and treats for the kids. The kids ask the next morning when we will be having them come again. They are girls that know how to say no to potential problems and redirect kids' attention to another appropriate, fun activity. We have come close to perfection with a couple of babysitters. The problem is, they are in such demand, we can rarely get them. It is so nice to come home to peacefully sleeping kids, a straightened house, and a calm babysitter.


I am not expecting perfection. My basic hopes and dreams in hiring a babysitter are as follows:

1. The safety and well being of the children must come first. This, however, does not mean let them do whatever makes them happy. Family rules and common sense must be observed.

2. I would like to return to a house that is in at least as good of shape as I left it. For example, no food left out, toys basically picked up, etc. I expect that the kids would be asked to help with this too.

3. Do what needs to be done. If a diaper needs changing, change it. If someone spills, clean it up. If someone gets hurt, take care of the injury (depending on the severity).

4. Pay attention to the children. You are there for them not to text or call your friend, read a book, watch t.v. etc. I don't mind if you do these things after the children are in bed.

5. Under no circumstances should you have someone else at my house with you without my approval.

6. Listen and follow my instructions for meals, bedtime, etc. If you have questions or need clarification, ask. If something comes up, don't be afraid to call.

7. Above all, show common sense!!

We had a babysitter who babysat for us for many years. She knew our kids, was interested in what they were doing, and we considered her an extended part of our family. She would even babysit for us when she came home from college. She is married now and we miss her very much.

I would love to hear your stories or additions to my list!

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Somedays I'm Mommy tired

Ever have one of those days when you'd like to stop being a parent, just for a little while? (If you've never felt that way, don't tell me, I have enough guilt thank you!) Don't get me wrong, I'd never in a million years give up my kids or the joy of being a mommy, but sometimes I'd like to step outside of myself, just for a little while. I'd like to take that nap I promised myself last night as I stayed up late again tying a quilt, unloading and loading the dishwasher, and putting breakfast in the crockpot to prepare for another crazy thursday. (Some people hate Mondays, I hate Thursdays. Everything hits at once.) As I looked forward to that nap, I realized I only have 3½ hours to finish what will amount to 5 loads of laundry which I haven't sorted yet, the breakfast AND lunch dishes have yet to even be rinsed let alone loaded into the dishwasher, I have costumes to sort for the children's nativity I have planned for the extended family Christmas party of which I am in charge, and there is an inexplicable noise growing in volume coming from the basement where Emma and a friend are playing. Boy does that bed look soft....(sigh).

And the whole self control thing, wow, is it tiring. When I want to yell at the visiting neighbor kid, "stop rolling your yogurt covered fruit snacks off the table for me to retrieve" I have to stop and say "oh no, your snacks are escaping, don't let them get away!" When a visiting friend whose mother is gone for a couple hours continually whines "I just want to go hooooommme", I can't tell them "well you can't, so get over it". And when I want to scream into the night "You rotten kids, stop doorbell ditching! I just got my kids to bed only 30 seconds before I completely lost my sanity and so help me if even one of them gets out of bed, curious to see who's at the door, I...WILL...HUNT...YOU...DOWN!!!". Instead I just have to let it go. I can't ruin my kids' chances of having any semblance of a normal social life by being known as the crazy witch mother of the neighborhood!

As I mentioned before, I have guilt. I think this is imbedded in the female DNA but becomes magnified a google (Jordan's favorite number) times as soon as a woman becomes pregnant. Logically, I know every mother has strengths and weaknesses and there is no such thing as a perfect one but there are so many who are just so close. Why can't I have yummy, healthy snacks ready and waiting for my kids and all their friends who love to be at my house because it is such a welcoming place? And why can't I want the whole neighborhood camped at my house all the time? I should. Why is it hard for me to let it go when a neighbor kid walks into my house at 5:30 pm opens my pantry and helps himself and my kids to half a package of oreos effectively spoiling their dinner? And why do I ever so slightly (okay, not so slightly) resent the neighbor who looks like she has a professionally decorated house that is always uncluttered and clean? I bet my socks wouldn't even stick to her kitchen floor! Then of course there's the mother who makes all meals from scratch and they're so good her kids don't even know they're organically healthy! And don't even get me started on the family of five children who all look like they've been dressed by the most fashionable designers and have their hair professionally done EVERY day! Their children would never TRY to be the record holder of the least pairs of underwear in the weekly laundry. Oh yes, true story. We're lucky to even locate a comb most days, and navy socks are close enough to black aren't they? They'll be black by the end of the day anyway. Then there's the kids who never forget to say please, thank you, no thank you and call me Mrs. Bruderer. They would never say "ewwww, that looks so gross, it looks like...." at a large family dinner. And the guilt goes on and on and on and on.......

Somedays, I am mommy tired and would love to be all by myself somewhere that doesn't have to be cleaned, with people who don't have various body parts needing to be wiped, whining voices, or complaints about trivial things. A place where clothes and dishes don't need to be washed and dried, food to be planned and prepared (isn't figuring out what to fix the worst part), floors that need to be vaccumed or mopped, toys and clutter to move from one surface to another......It never ends. I guess what I need is a nice quiet, white room with lots and lots of chocolate. Anyone know where I can check in?

I argue with myself all the time, pointing out to myself that I have so many things to be grateful for, healthly kids, a beautiful, warm home, a dishwasher to wash those dishes and a washer and dryer to wash those clothes.... but then I have to tell that part of my brain, "Shut up, you're interferring with my pity party!" (Shhh, don't tell my kids I said that, we don't say shut up in our house. Just my attempt at that well mannered ideal.) Well, I'm off to climb Mt. Laundry, wade through the dirty dishes swamp, be nice to the neighbor kids, change a poopy diaper, turn off every light in the house AGAIN, serve leftovers nobody wants to eat, and sort though costumes my supermom sister sewed from scratch.

If you'd like to come to my pity party join right in. If you have positive, uplifting comments save them until tomorrow when I take the duct tape off the mouth of that other side of me, you know, the party pooper.

If I could just finish ONE thing

I am finding that lately, I tend to move from one project to another without completing any of them. This morning, I was walking through the house, looking at piles and boxes, and mumbling "Brooke" ('cause I talk to myself a lot lately), I said, "Brooke, you've just got to pick SOMETHING you can FINISH today!" Then I spotted my Jenna sitting diaper clad on top of the coffee table and with a smile (she's so dang cute) sheepishly admitted that to finish getting her dressed would be a good place to start!

No idle curiosity here!

Through a couple of Jordan's recent comments I have realized that I am becoming a true veteran of motherhood. Notice I said "becoming", I don't believe I, or anyone for that matter can know or catch everything their children think or do. For further reference read here, here, or here for just a sample. If that doesn't do it for you, scroll down to "labels" in the side bar and click on "Kid stories".

The other day, while driving on the freeway, we noticed a motorcyclist passing us. Jordan piped up from the back seat and asked us, "Is it against the law for dwarves to ride motorcycles?" Paul and I looked at each other, puzzled, and laughing. Then it hit me. We have been having "discussions" lately why he cannot have a minibike. I guess he figured if he was too little to have one then maybe a dwarf would be too little to ride a motorcycle.

A few minutes later, he asked "Could a thorn from a rose bush pop one of the tires on this car?" Paul said no. About 30 seconds later I realized we need some elaboration and clarification. I said "But, a nail or any other sharp object will pop a tire, so don't start poking things into the tires or you will really be in trouble!" Paul gave me an appreciative glance and said, "Good catch! I thought he was just asking from idle curiosity."

Around here, there is no such thing as idle curiosity!