Woman of God

I was reading this blog in which Morgan is writing her own personal manifesto which, by the way, I think is a wonderful idea and I will be pondering my own.  Anyway, I was struck by a phrase she used and have been thinking about for the whole day.  She called herself "a Woman of God".  We hear "Daughter of God" often in the church.  "Daughter of God" or "Child of God" brings to mind words and phrases such as potential, loved, cherished, protected, self-worth, images of a loving Father.

As I thought about what it means to be a "Woman of God", I think of strength of character, courage, power to do good, leadership, compassion, service.  I see a woman who stands strong in her own beliefs, testimony, and commitment.  A woman who leads out, who doesn't lean on, or wait for others, whether it be parents, husband, siblings, church leaders, visiting teaching companion, etc.  She is a woman of action not just intentions.  A woman of vision who sees what can be and works to make it happen.  A mother of confidence who teaches with strength, love and compassion.

As I consider these traits, faces of women come to mind.  These are women I admire, look up to, and aspire to be like them.  Among them are my mother and sisters, nieces, neighbors, friends, ancestors, women from history, those from the past and those making history today.

I am a Daughter of God working to become one of these Women of God.  I have the examples, I have the blue prints, help, support, love, and confidence of my Father in Heaven.  What I lack is focus and daily determination to live deliberately, to take advantage of individual moments...to always remember my goal, my destination.

What is the difference between knowledge and wisdom?

We had an interesting afternoon which led to an interesting discussion over dinner. Beginning 3 days ago, our three oldest children build a VERY large maze of tents made from various materials, pvc pipes and blankets, chairs and blankets, boxes, play tents, and all the various "supplies" to go in it. Needless to say, for us as parents, it was a cleaning nightmare. We very firmly believe that if you make the mess you are responsible to clean it up. As a result, we had a hard time seeing the "coolness" of it all through the yelling, crying, overwhemling chore ahead. We tried to be supportive and gave them a couple of days to enjoy their city before requiring it to be dismantled.

Ironically, once the thrill of the build was over, very little enjoying actually happened.

Today, before dinner, was the deadline. They were informed days ago that if they did not complete the clean up and pass inspection before dinner, they would not be invited to dinner. They were given daily reminders of this deadline and helpful suggestions that cleaning up a little at a time would be easier than tackling it all at once. They chose not to take advice and so we had much groaning and complaining shortly before dinner. Thankfully, they were able to finish before dinner was over but did not get quite as much dinner as they would have liked because they were late.

We asked Christian (the mastermind) if he could think of three ways he could have avoided such a trying situation and he was able to answer very throughly. Then Paul asked him a question his mission president used to ask, "What is the difference between knowledge and wisdom?" Christian had an idea but was unable to articulate it. Paul said that simply stated, the difference is that wisdom is being able to successfully apply the knowledge we gain. He then said, "You now have knowledge, but are you wise? What will you do next time?"

I think we all need more wisdom in our lives. In fact, I think I will find a way to post this question in our home office to remind our family to apply the knowledge we gain.

Well, don't I feel special!

I sent my babysitter's workshop blog over to Mormon Mommy Blogs as a guest submission a few weeks ago and lo and behold, it's up today? I had no clue! Got some good responses though. Go check it out here!

Random Questions

Lest anyone think I know everything there is to know about everything (haha).... Here are some random questions floating around in my brain. Might as well let them float around in the dark abyss of my blog instead:

1. While unpacking my food storage I came to wonder when "Best by" dates become "if you eat this you will turn into a mutant from the half life radioactivity and then DIE"
2. What vegetables can grow with little sunlight so I can plant them under fruit trees and thereby avoid wasting garden space?
3. Can I spray paint all the projects I have pending in the 40º temperature of my garage? The can says it should be at least 50º, but what difference is 10 lousy degrees, and who follows directions anyway? I'm really into spray paint lately, don't worry, no sniffing is involved, however, I really have a lot of painting to do...
4. How do people get their little girls' hair to stay so cute and smooth ALL day? My girls look like they've stuck their fingers in a light socket after 10 min.
5. Is there some home improvement gene I missed out on or is it just that Murphy and his dumb law dog my every attempt to tackle a project. I keep trying to lower my expectations but they can't get much lower lately. Nothing EVER works the first time or even the second or third! Ahhhh!!
6. How do I teach my kids family loyalty? How do I inspire them to side with their sibling rather than treating them like something they found on the bottom of their shoe every time a friend comes around? I guess they don't do it every time, but enough to make me wonder if they are being selectively possessed when friends come over. They are really quite good friends if there isn't anyone else around.
7. Is there a hearing aid for children with selective hearing? How do I get their attention when they don't want to listen? I have tried everything I have heard of, especially with Emma, she is a pro! She could work in government.
8. Why is it that when I eat 1 piece of pie I gain 5 pounds but when I work out for 5 weeks I can't drop one?
9. How is it that my children can go through more rolls of toilet paper in a week than pairs of underwear?
10. Why is it that when given a stack of book orders with many choices for quality reading experiences, my kids choose the Pokémon book?

This is in no way even remotely a complete documentation of my confusion. I am sure there will be more to come. Any enlightenment you have to offer on these subjects will result in something close to adoration on my part. Otherwise, they will forever float in cyberspace because as you know, anything you put on the internet is eternal.

It's been how many years?!!?

Well, come June it will have been 20 years since Paul and I graduated from High School. If you can't read that number you must be as old as we are. In an effort to.... um.... uh.... honestly, I'm sitting here and can't think of a reason why, Paul and I have looked up our Alma maters and determined when our reunions are. I was relieved to know I have until August to shed 20 lbs. and 20 years, minus the big hair. No seriously, they posted our graduation pictures on the website and I almost reverted to the fetal position. Wowza! The only consolation I have is that there are plenty of photos on there of people with bigger hair than mine.
Anyway, I didn't go to my 5th because I was in Guatemala on my mission. I didn't go to my 10th because I had a 5 month old baby, the baby fat to go with it, and a husband and that was MIA because he was still in Puerto Rico. Yeah, that wasn't happening. So, this is it. Time to overcome those high school insecurities that still I carry somewhere deep inside the grown-up I've become. Tee hee hee (Sorry, can't help it, I don't think I'll ever be truly grown up!)
I wouldn't describe my self as being shy, I just didn't think anyone knew who I was. This was confirmed in college when I went to a Halloween dance and, forgive the arrogance, I looked good. It was an Elvira type costume without quite so much cleavage. Anyway, a guy I knew from junior high and high school who incidentally, I had a crush on at one point, came up and started hitting on me. He gave me a fake name and when I called him on it and told him a little of what I knew about him, I could see in his eyes that he still didn't quite remember me. I really felt forgetable then! His friend remembered me though, he even knew my name. Nice guy.
Since returning to my old stomping grounds, Davis County, after 12 years or so, I have run into many people from high school, some of whom I didn't remember or recognize. This has caused me to realize that all those people who seemed so "all that" and confident were just trying to get through the best they could. Just like the rest of us.
I've often thought that I would like to go back to high school with the knowledge I have now. Just for a little while, I certainly wouldn't want to go through it ALL over again. Ugggh! For a little while though, I could have a lot of fun!
For what it's worth, in August I will be facing my misconceptions and biases. I think it will be interesting and enlightening. Eliptical, don't fail me now! Six and a half months and counting!

Babysitter's tutorial

Since I haven't been asked to run a babysitter's workshop since I had children and I have much to say on the subject, I thought I would provide my expertise and insight here for all the world' s benefit (at least the 3 or 4 people who read my blog). I guess what it really comes down to is, I have an opinion and since no one asks me for it, I am writing it here because I can, so pthhbbpt (that's me blowing a raspberry).


If a babysitter wants to be assured of never getting another babysitting job anywhere in the neighborhood (parents talk), follow these simple suggestions:


Top 14 dos to prevent future jobs

1. Do let children talk you into doing chemistry experiments in the kitchen. Just trust me on this, the children will make it sound so educational and fun !


2. Be sure to bounce the family pet gerbil on the trampoline. They love to have their brains rattled!


3. When allowing the children to eat in their rooms (even though they know it is against the rules), and someone spills popcorn on the floor, be sure to tell them the best solution is to brush it all under the bed.


4. Be sure to take the kids to the park without mentioning the idea to the parents so that when they call and call and call to check on things they are absolutely frantic when no one answers.


5. If a child falls and is injured, especially if blood and swelling are involved, be sure to leave the house as quickly as possible without telling the parents.


6. Please, leave the leftover pizza sitting on the counter and food on the plates, for the parents to clean up when they get home 5 hours later.


7. Be sure to lock yourself and the kids out of the house half way through the movie the parents have gone to.


8. When the parents come home, be sure to have all the lights in the house turned off so everything looks deserted and they will find you sitting, texting in the dark.


9. Do not change the baby's diaper so that the parents can have the joy of being awakened to a shivering cold screaming child and spend the next hour changing pajamas and sheets and quieting a hysterical child.


10. Be sure to take the children to your house so your mother can watch them for you, making the parents question if you are actually capable of babysitting.


11. Let the kids play video games for 5 hours straight so you don't have to interact with them.


12. Always have something better to do so that you are never available when someone calls you to babysit.


13. Let them stay up until the parents get home even if their bedtime was 2 hours earlier, that way they will be cheerful and happy for school the next morning! Parents love to end their evening by putting tired, wound up kids to bed.

14. Please disregard the dinner choices the parents provided and just feed the kids hot dogs, graham crackers, and candy. This will make it easier for them to fall asleep.

All of these have happened at our house with the exception of #2 which happened to a neighbor. A couple of these occurred with the same babysitter. We wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and another chance. It just didn't seem to work out. Most of these babysitters were not called again. If they were it was an emergency and we could find no one else.

We have had some wonderful babysitters too! Girls that have not only rinsed the dishes but either emptied the dishwasher and reloaded it or washed the dishes by hand. They have brought games, toys and treats for the kids. The kids ask the next morning when we will be having them come again. They are girls that know how to say no to potential problems and redirect kids' attention to another appropriate, fun activity. We have come close to perfection with a couple of babysitters. The problem is, they are in such demand, we can rarely get them. It is so nice to come home to peacefully sleeping kids, a straightened house, and a calm babysitter.


I am not expecting perfection. My basic hopes and dreams in hiring a babysitter are as follows:

1. The safety and well being of the children must come first. This, however, does not mean let them do whatever makes them happy. Family rules and common sense must be observed.

2. I would like to return to a house that is in at least as good of shape as I left it. For example, no food left out, toys basically picked up, etc. I expect that the kids would be asked to help with this too.

3. Do what needs to be done. If a diaper needs changing, change it. If someone spills, clean it up. If someone gets hurt, take care of the injury (depending on the severity).

4. Pay attention to the children. You are there for them not to text or call your friend, read a book, watch t.v. etc. I don't mind if you do these things after the children are in bed.

5. Under no circumstances should you have someone else at my house with you without my approval.

6. Listen and follow my instructions for meals, bedtime, etc. If you have questions or need clarification, ask. If something comes up, don't be afraid to call.

7. Above all, show common sense!!

We had a babysitter who babysat for us for many years. She knew our kids, was interested in what they were doing, and we considered her an extended part of our family. She would even babysit for us when she came home from college. She is married now and we miss her very much.

I would love to hear your stories or additions to my list!

This post was featured on Mormon Mommy Blogs. Check out all of the comments and suggestions here!

Somedays I'm Mommy tired

Ever have one of those days when you'd like to stop being a parent, just for a little while? (If you've never felt that way, don't tell me, I have enough guilt thank you!) Don't get me wrong, I'd never in a million years give up my kids or the joy of being a mommy, but sometimes I'd like to step outside of myself, just for a little while. I'd like to take that nap I promised myself last night as I stayed up late again tying a quilt, unloading and loading the dishwasher, and putting breakfast in the crockpot to prepare for another crazy thursday. (Some people hate Mondays, I hate Thursdays. Everything hits at once.) As I looked forward to that nap, I realized I only have 3½ hours to finish what will amount to 5 loads of laundry which I haven't sorted yet, the breakfast AND lunch dishes have yet to even be rinsed let alone loaded into the dishwasher, I have costumes to sort for the children's nativity I have planned for the extended family Christmas party of which I am in charge, and there is an inexplicable noise growing in volume coming from the basement where Emma and a friend are playing. Boy does that bed look soft....(sigh).

And the whole self control thing, wow, is it tiring. When I want to yell at the visiting neighbor kid, "stop rolling your yogurt covered fruit snacks off the table for me to retrieve" I have to stop and say "oh no, your snacks are escaping, don't let them get away!" When a visiting friend whose mother is gone for a couple hours continually whines "I just want to go hooooommme", I can't tell them "well you can't, so get over it". And when I want to scream into the night "You rotten kids, stop doorbell ditching! I just got my kids to bed only 30 seconds before I completely lost my sanity and so help me if even one of them gets out of bed, curious to see who's at the door, I...WILL...HUNT...YOU...DOWN!!!". Instead I just have to let it go. I can't ruin my kids' chances of having any semblance of a normal social life by being known as the crazy witch mother of the neighborhood!

As I mentioned before, I have guilt. I think this is imbedded in the female DNA but becomes magnified a google (Jordan's favorite number) times as soon as a woman becomes pregnant. Logically, I know every mother has strengths and weaknesses and there is no such thing as a perfect one but there are so many who are just so close. Why can't I have yummy, healthy snacks ready and waiting for my kids and all their friends who love to be at my house because it is such a welcoming place? And why can't I want the whole neighborhood camped at my house all the time? I should. Why is it hard for me to let it go when a neighbor kid walks into my house at 5:30 pm opens my pantry and helps himself and my kids to half a package of oreos effectively spoiling their dinner? And why do I ever so slightly (okay, not so slightly) resent the neighbor who looks like she has a professionally decorated house that is always uncluttered and clean? I bet my socks wouldn't even stick to her kitchen floor! Then of course there's the mother who makes all meals from scratch and they're so good her kids don't even know they're organically healthy! And don't even get me started on the family of five children who all look like they've been dressed by the most fashionable designers and have their hair professionally done EVERY day! Their children would never TRY to be the record holder of the least pairs of underwear in the weekly laundry. Oh yes, true story. We're lucky to even locate a comb most days, and navy socks are close enough to black aren't they? They'll be black by the end of the day anyway. Then there's the kids who never forget to say please, thank you, no thank you and call me Mrs. Bruderer. They would never say "ewwww, that looks so gross, it looks like...." at a large family dinner. And the guilt goes on and on and on and on.......

Somedays, I am mommy tired and would love to be all by myself somewhere that doesn't have to be cleaned, with people who don't have various body parts needing to be wiped, whining voices, or complaints about trivial things. A place where clothes and dishes don't need to be washed and dried, food to be planned and prepared (isn't figuring out what to fix the worst part), floors that need to be vaccumed or mopped, toys and clutter to move from one surface to another......It never ends. I guess what I need is a nice quiet, white room with lots and lots of chocolate. Anyone know where I can check in?

I argue with myself all the time, pointing out to myself that I have so many things to be grateful for, healthly kids, a beautiful, warm home, a dishwasher to wash those dishes and a washer and dryer to wash those clothes.... but then I have to tell that part of my brain, "Shut up, you're interferring with my pity party!" (Shhh, don't tell my kids I said that, we don't say shut up in our house. Just my attempt at that well mannered ideal.) Well, I'm off to climb Mt. Laundry, wade through the dirty dishes swamp, be nice to the neighbor kids, change a poopy diaper, turn off every light in the house AGAIN, serve leftovers nobody wants to eat, and sort though costumes my supermom sister sewed from scratch.

If you'd like to come to my pity party join right in. If you have positive, uplifting comments save them until tomorrow when I take the duct tape off the mouth of that other side of me, you know, the party pooper.

Stop for a good blower

Today, we went on a bike ride around the track behind our house. Even Emma was game with her little training wheeled bike. I pulled Jenna in the wagon.

At one point, as I approached Emma on the track, I saw that she was off her bike hunched down on the ground. My first thought was that she must have crashed and gotten hurt. I called to her, asking if she was hurt. She looked up with a grin and it was then I saw that she was hunched over a perfect specimen of a dandelion gone to seed. It was begging to be blown. With a smile of pure pleasure she took a deep breath and blew. She watched the fluff float away with delight, then mounted her bike and took off shouting a challenge for a race.

I looked around and realized that I hadn't even notice the great blowing opportunities around us. I picked one and handed it to Jenna. I was equally fascinated to watch her tentatively reach out one chubby finger to slowly touch the soft fluff. The look on her face was one of wonder and delight. Her persistence in trying to blow hard enough to make the seeds fly was a lesson in itself.

As we continued around the track I found myself wondering how many "good blowers" I was missing in my daily life. How many times do I stop amidst my daily race around in circles to notice the good things? The things that lighten my heart and make me smile. Taking time to enjoy tickling one of my kids, playing hide and go seek, really listening to made-up songs or looking at "special" rocks. I forget to notice how blue the sky is, or how the breeze carries the smells of fallen leaves and the approach of winter. God has given us so much beauty, laughter, love, and daily miracles. Unfortunately, I spend much of the time staring down at the track as I daily circle around again and again, cleaning, laundry, meal preparations, etc. Only to find myself coming around to the starting point again, ready for a new day to begin, lost in the monotony. Not realizing the beauty, laughter, excitement, and connections I could have enjoyed but have missed.

A bowl full of sugar...

Emma just started singing "A bowl full of sugar makes the medicine go down..." Traditionally, it only takes a spoonful of sugar to get that medicine to go down, but lately, the portion seems to be growing exponentially.

"You will find..."

Most of us are familiar with some version of the following story:
A man was sitting on his front porch when another man approached him. He said that he was new to the area and had just bought a house. He then asked what it was like to live there. The man answer him with a question. "What it was like in the place you came from?" He said it was just awful, the people were not friendly at all, he was not respected in his place of employment, and the local government was terrible. The man replied, "you will find it about the same here." A few days later, a woman stopped with the same story, she had just moved here and wanted to know about the area. The man asked her the same question, "What was it like in the last place you lived?" She said it was wonderful, and that she had a great job, the people were friendly, it was a great place to live and she hated to leave. To this the man replied "You will find it about the same here."
I have been thinking about this a lot lately as we leave a wonderful neighborhood and a practically celestial ward to build a new home, new friendships, and new experiences. I have reflected on the places I have lived and the people I have met. I have found the moral of this story to be amazingly true. We do find what we are looking for. We bring with us the keys to finding happiness or discontent and friendship or loneliness.
I first learned this as I moved from home to go to college and work at various resorts during the summer. I met a variety of people with varying lifestyles. Some other young college girls shied away from anyone who did not have the same standards as they did. They found themselves isolated and missed out on making some very loyal, good friends. I found that though my friends did not have the same beliefs I did, they respected and admired my standards and encouraged me in keeping them.
As a missionary in Guatemala, I had some experiences that taught me not ot judge a person's heart. One day we were riding on a bus to a medical appointment out of our mission. Often we were approached by young men who were more interested in talking to the blonde american girl than the gospel. I was approached by a man who seemed to be just such a person. I talked to him, remembering my mission president's admonition to open our mouths and share the gospel with everyone, and I wrote down his contact information and then forgot about it. I am ashamed to admit, it took me weeks to send that referal card to the other mission office. After I returned from Guatemala, I received a letter from that man telling me of his baptism andthanking me for introducing him to the gospel. It was very humbling. Unfortunately, I am a slow learner and have many other experiences where I judged too quickly or did not closely pay attention to those I came in contact with.
When I returned from my mission, I was fortunate to marry my best friend. Even that was a learning experience. That is a story for another time because it is a long one. Suffice it to say that I had a little trouble realizing that my best friend was the best candidate for a husband.
A few months after we were married, we moved to Puerto Rico for 3 years. It was another cultural adjustment with many opportunities to learn of and appreciate differences in others. We attended an English speaking branch and made some amazing friends. Then we were asked by the stake president to attend the Spanish ward in which we lived because of a need in filling leadership positions. We found many different traditions and customs in that ward and stake. For example, we were told it was inappropriate to bring carbonated beverages to a ward function. Not just caffeinated beverages, any carbonated beverages. We found this to be very different than what we were used to but respected our leaders and bought punch. Another time was when I was YW President and wanted to have a fun cooking activity in which we would share comfort food recipes. I decided on potato salad, thinking it was traditional mormon food. Much to my dismay, they didn't like the potato salad at all! Evidently, their tradional potato salad is verrry different from mine. I should have done a little more research!
In the last neighborhood we just moved from, we met so many amazing people who were wonderful examples of service, charity, love, and friendship. I learned so much serving with them and watching them. Unfortunately, like anywhere, there were those people who did not feel comfortable or welcomed. I felt bad, and tried to be friendly. I am sure I could have done better and I will continue to try wherever we are. I hope those people who seem to have trouble finding what they desire, eventually find what they are looking for.
As for us, we have met a few people from our new neighborhood and find them to be friendly and welcoming. As parents, we worry for our 4 children. Will they find a place in friendships that are already established? Will they have leaders and teachers who love the gospel and can pass that to the children they serve? Will those teachers and leaders see the wonderful people inside the squirming bodies and verbal overflow and love them?
Will we, as adults, find lasting friendships and social opportunities as well as the chance to serve and appreciate those in our ward and neighborhood. I truely believe that if a person enters a new situation asking "What will this neighborhood, ward, work environment, circle of people do for me?" they will most likely be disappointed with what they find. On the otherhand, if we ask "What can we contribute?" we will find what we want to find.
This rambling, reminiscent epic leads me to these conclusions. We find what we actively seek. If we enter new situations with an attitude of respect, willingness to learn, and desire to see the good in others we will find what we seek.
At least, that is my theory. I still have much to learn and I am excited to meet a brand new batch of teachers.

BTW, if you made it through this rambling you must either be a really good friend or maybe, just maybe, you are interested in the things I write. Either way, I am excited to announce that one of my ramblings has been chosen as a feature article on Mormon Mommy Blogs! Wow, they must be desperate or something... or maybe it just pays to know someone ;) Anyway, if you haven't read enough of my epic writing, check it out!

Freak Utah Storms

Yep, that is HAIL!! Can you believe this? It's the last week of May! The temperatures have been in the 70s!

Priceless blessing

Two and a half weeks till moving day = stress

Broken down refridgerator on a Sunday afternoon = stress x2

Possible $700 repair bill = no refridgerator = stress x3

Recall notice found on the internet, 7 minute repair, working refridgerator = $0 =

priceless blessing

One brief moment

Yesterday, for one brief moment, time stood still. My big, lanky nine year old (He looks big and lanky to me no matter where he stands in his class pictures.) came and snuggled up to me on my bed. As we lay there, he let me stroke his hair and reminisce about how he has grown and my good memories of him as a baby. Sometimes, I miss my first baby terribly. We argue about homework, and how he chooses to use his time. I worry about the world out there, the one he is immersed in daily. To a mom, it is a minefield of influence and corruption bent on attacking his innocence and wearing down his self-esteem. I miss the days when his whole world was contained in his parents' arms. The worries are bigger and scarier and loom even larger for the future.
But... for a moment, I held him again, basked in his innocence, and the love he freely shared with me. Just for a moment, it was just the two of us in our own little, snug world.

I have linked this to Steady Days.

1 street: 2 climates

Photos taken this morning!!!

This is the neighbor's house across the street:

SPRING!

This is our house:

WINTER!

These are not even the most dramatic pictures I could have taken! Most of the winter, driveways across the street are clear and dry while we have a couple inches of ice! Don't get me wrong, we would never trade my house and we are buying another north facing lot (go figure) because we are willing to deal with ice and snow for the house and yard we want on a cul-de-sac. I just wish the climates weren't so drastically different! It is a little discouraging when I am really ready for spring! I want to see my tulips and other bulbs emerge.

Paul's thoughts on life

Paul was saying this morning, that it seems you walk through life oblivious to how clueless you really are and then you die.

Such optimism! Though I have to admit, quite profound when I think about it. It certainly made me smile.

Unlikely friends

There is a strange phenomenon happening at my house that has me thinking somewhat deep thoughts (about puddle deep). Conner and Zippy have become the best of friends. During the day Zippy can usually be found on a leaf with Conner's front paw? claw? (whatever) protectively on him or sitting directly on him. At night, Zippy will sit watchfully on Conner's back while he sleeps. Realize of course that the gender of our pets are entirely a mystery and subject to the whims of the children naming them. I will let you ruminate over whether that has a bearing on this strange relationship. However, I would have thought that Zippy and Donna, the two frogs would be better suited friends and companions but Donna tends to be by herself most of the time.

I find the same thing often happens with people. The most unlikely people with seemingly opposite personalities can become fast friends.

The middle lane of the parenting highway

We seem to be in the middle lane of the parenting super highway.

There are those parents in the Right Lane who are just beginning, merging into the chaos and confusion. There are so many worries, so many questions: which diapers, bottles, pediatricians, what should we do now? There are the blissful moments, pulled over on the side of the road while baby naps or is adorably cooing and wrapping those small pudgy fingers around your finger. The rapture at baby's firsts: smile, laugh, steps, words... I can still remember the right lane in a fuzzy, rose colored way. I even get to visit over in the right lane every once in a while, usually when I'm up in the middle of the night for some one on one time with a child. Though the right lane seems peaceful to me now, I wouldn't want to go back. Yes, we really are done! I am content with fond memories to help me remember that I love these crazy kids.

The Middle Lane seems to consist of parents who have multiple growing children. Parents who speed from one place to the next frantically trying to get from point A to point B, C & D in their day. We kiss boo boos and soothe feelings, nag them to make their beds, and try to remember to laugh as the laundry piles ever higher. The worries and questions get bigger: schools, extra-curricular activities, friends, etc. We are no longer questioning the things we did in the beginning. With subsequent children we don't buy brand name, measure formula exactly, wake with every sniffle, or make all baby food from scratch. Not to mention that those multiple children start to get more expensive! (Dear Santa, we would like A Wii, snowboards and lessons, electronic devices etc.) Time is not your own. You have basically given up individuality, hobbies, and selfish desires for the privilege of being somebody's mom or dad! You realize that the little moments of love and joy that happen amid the chaos make it all worth it.

The Left Lane, consisting of parents with teenagers and children leaving home, appears to speed by at an alarming rate. Though I haven't reached this lane yet, I watch my neighbors, siblings, and people in public places. It seems your IQ drops a few points as well as your popularity. And although you have 6 blissful hours (or so it seems to me) during the day to accomplish all those things left unfinished for the last 10 or 15 years when there was still a little person shadowing you, the after school hours seem to be even more jam packed. Increased independence in the form of children getting themselves from point A to point B and hopefully doing their own laundry has it's appeal. However, the worries multiply like rabbits and are big ones: college education, preparing for missions, friends and society with more influence than their old, out of date parents. Boyfriends, girlfriends, and marriages are coming at you head on! The prospect of changing to the left lane makes me shudder with trepidation, nay terror!

As parents speed along in their own lane, they often look at the other parents in neighboring lanes. Those in the Right Lane invariably say, "I will never let my kids do that!" or My kids will never act like that!" We in the Middle Lane, often look at the sweet new parents in the Right Lane with indulgent smiles and chuckle with nostalgic reminiscing about their protective concerns. All the while, those parents in the Left Lane are laughing heartily and somewhat maniacally at our concerns about beds being made, force fed balanced meals, and actually stopping the car to breastfeed.

As for those parents who have pulled off the superhighway of parenting for good, except for tending the grandkids once in a while, I find myself wondering what they think. I tend to think of these matriarchs in two categories, (usually at the grocery store checkout). There are those who seem to sympathize and want to help and cheer those of us still speeding along. Thank you!
Then there are those who seem to have lost all memory of what being a parent on a daily basis was all about. The disapproval in their stance and glare is almost palpable as they watch me go through the agony of keeping my kids from the candy displays. Grocery stores cleverly set these up at the checkout as the last and final torture in the never ending game of "pleeeease can I have?" "Preeety pleeease..." "pleeeease pleeeease pleeease..." Sorry, I got a little side tracked. I digress. I tend to ignore these disapproving folks and pass them off in my mind as never having had children or suffering from post traumatic amnesia brought on by having their own.

If you see us passing or being passed on the superhighway of parenting, honk and wave. You just might make our day!

My Mother Letter

As I posted in a previous blog (Mother Letters) I wrote a letter to contribute to a Christmas gift one husband gave to his wife. He asked anyone willing to write a letter to his wife with words of encouragement, experiences, etc. I decided to copy the letter I wrote here so that I would have it recorded for myself and my family. If you would like to know more about the project, click here. There are some amazing thoughts from mothers around the world. BTW, he received more than 500 letters!


Dear Mother,

As I contemplated this challenge of summing up motherhood into a letter, I realized what a monumental task it is. Defining motherhood and ourselves by extension is an impossible task. As I began my blog, in the “about us” section, I felt forced to define our family and by extension myself. At different points in my life I have defined myself as a student, teacher, friend, girlfriend, missionary, waitress, wife, mother, housekeeper, chauffeur, cook, room mother, director of plays, writer, translator, church worker, and the list goes on and on. I wish I could come up with a definitive label for myself (in my mind) that encompasses all that I am now and have been. Sometimes “stay at home mom” doesn’t begin to describe me. I love being a mother. I also realize that sometimes I need to feel like a woman, sometimes a wife, and often a validated individual. Maybe I am looking for a definition that isn’t just what I do but all that I am. I guess I am just ME! and some days that is more than enough!
I have done many things in my life, from living without indoor plumbing or electricity in a third world country for 8 months and learning to truly love the people, to teaching 4th and 6th graders. I have to say, striving to be the mother I want for my children is by far the most difficult thing I have ever done. It stretches my creativity, patience, and coping skills beyond limits I ever imagined and I don’t even have teenagers yet!
As for advice, the thing I am striving for most in my journey of motherhood is to keep the big picture in mind and tailor my goals and reactions to each challenge accordingly. I try to ask myself if this will really matter to who my child will become in the future. Is this a skill he/she will really need or just something I want.
I lose my temper frequently and many times realize after the fact that “I made a mountain out of that mole hill” but then I try to forgive myself and move forward. Most of the time the forgiveness part is the most difficult. Forgiving ourselves brings me to the other bit of advice that I try to remind myself of...we needn’t be too hard on ourselves. Even mothers are imperfect and on our own journeys to better ourselves each day. I believe that God made children with short memories and forgiving hearts for that reason. Oh, and stop comparing yourself to the wonder mom down the street. She doesn’t show you her dirty bathrooms and the tears she cries on hard days. It is a good thing God doesn’t judge us by our perceptions of the neighbor moms! As I strive each day to do my best, I pray often to my loving Heavenly Father and ask that he make up the difference between my best efforts and everything my children need. I have faith He will, because I know He loves them too. A personal relationship with Him goes a long way to feeling His loving presence in your life.
I recently heard a wonderful talk given by a local church leader that helps me to keep my perspective. He said that instead of making lists of “things to do” make it a list of “people to love”. Nearly everything we do affects someone. It would be a much better world, a happier family, a happier heart, if the things we do every day were done with love for the people they affect. I read a post about a lady who folds laundry this way. As she folds each article of clothing she thinks of something she loves about the person it belongs to.
We are trying to teach our children that our love is best demonstrated by our actions, not just saying “I love you”. How much more love could exist in our homes if all the “to dos” were done with love for members of the family in mind?
Finally, take a break once in a while. Everyone needs to find the individual inside the mom once in a while. I find that I am more patient and loving when given the chance to miss my children once in a while.
Keep your chin up. Keep trying and know that there are many other mothers out there cheering for you as well as a loving Heavenly Father who wants you to succeed in creating your own happy ending with your family.

With love, from a small part of your own cheering section,
Brooke
Mother of four ages 8, 6, 4, 14 months

Though this letter is full of things that rarely resemble my real day to day life, it has helped me to write them down and read them often to keep my perspective. I would highly recommend writing your own "mother letter" whether it is about yourself, about the mother you hope to be one day, or about your own mother, wife, sister daughter etc.

Christmas memo to myself

I had a little holiday stress this year! Okay, a lot. I started out last night with a blog post in mind. In this blog, I would write down all the things that I wouldn't do next year to make December less stressful for me. I wanted to cut out many things so I can listen to more music, watch more holiday specials, bake cookies with the kids, see all the lights, etc. etc. etc. Things that would help me have a more relaxing, fun month. Then I began thinking over the past few days about the things I have chosen to spend my time on.

I worked to have a service filled brunch for the ladies in my family to start the season. We worked to add to the fleece blankets our family has been making all year for the homeless.

I then began various homemade gifts for the children: some fairy skirts for Emma, a PVC building set and a car mat of our neigborhood and town for Jordan.

We then progressed to a couple of sets of 12 days of Christmas for neighbors in need of a little cheer and encouragement.

We worked to put together a meaningful Christmas party for our extended family, complete with a nativity for the children.

And finally, we put together luminaries for the families on our street, as has been our tradition for the past 5 years.

As I evaluated the things that help me keep the true spirit of Christmas and teach my children to serve and have the love of Christ in our home, I have changed the ideas I would like to leave in order to improve my Christmas season next year. Rather than eliminate these types of service in order to allow more leisure time, next year I want to do the following to feel more joy in the service we are rendering.

• Make a plan and stick to it. Often I begin early, shopping, crafting, planning with a peaceful week leading up to Christmas in mind. This is all well and good until the whole starting early thing gives me a false sense of security and I add more projects. I don't need to serve less, just prayerfully plan the ways in which I serve, considering what will bring the spirit and provide those warm fuzzies I love to get this time of year. Then stick to the PLAN.
• Make Christmas Day plans one of those things on the planning early list. I work so hard to prepare everything leading up to Christmas that we often find ourselves without meaningful plans for the day or even any food in the house. I know the hang out in your jammies to open presents etc. is crucial, but must the kids wear the same pjs to bed that they woke up in because we never had a reason to get dressed? How depressing! On the subject of food, one word... crockpot! Who wants to spend time in the kitchen when the house is full of toys to play with! However, we have learned from experience that a family cannot survive on candy alone, not that we wont test the theory over and over and over... So plan the food!
• I want to make sure Christmas Eve activities really emphasize the true meaning and story of Christmas. Again, planning!
• And maybe I will choose one secret service next year rather than two. And I think I will make it a one time thing rather than something we have to get out and deliver every evening like the 12 days of Christmas.
• Finally, I need to remember to pray to have the spirit of Christ as I work on my projects rather than the feelings of stress.

Now the trick is to believe myself! I asked Paul to remind me of some of these things and he said okay with a chuckle which is to be translated "I'll remind you, but it wont make a difference in what you do."

"They Forgot Thanksgiving"

I had a rather satisfying moment the other day as I walked through WalMart with the kids. As Jordan looked at all of the Christmas decorations that had been put up the day before Halloween, he shook his head and said, "They forgot all about Thanksgiving." This helped me to realize that the thankful lists we made, our thankful tree, and the many Family Home Evening Lessons about gratitude and Thanksgiving had touched them. I am glad I stayed strong in my refusal to put up Christmas decorations until after Thanksgiving, no matter how tempting. I LOVE CHRISTMAS! However much there is to be grateful for at Christmas time, how many people we can serve, and how much thought we put into our gift giving, I want to maintain the importance of a day specifically dedicated to appreciating all the blessings God has given us. Just because the world does not commercialize Thanksgiving, I don't believe it has any less importance. I firmly believe that many problems of the world could be solved with a little more gratitude and less selfishness. If I can teach my children to count their blessings and feel true gratitude, I feel I will have given them a wonderful gift.

"May we be found among those who give our thanks to our Heavenly Father. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues. Despite the changes which come into our lives and with gratitude in our hearts, may we fill our days—as much as we can—with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed."
--Thomas S. Monson, "Finding Joy in the Journey", Ensign, Nov 2008, 84–87

Happy Thanksgiving