We had an amazing guest speaker in Releif Society today. She was in a car accident at 15 months old and paralyzed from the waist down. Her smile was so contaigious and her enjoyment of life was palpable. Among her many other talents, she is a very accomplished violinist with the Orchestra at Temple Square. She shared so many great lessons and experiences but one really stood out to me. She spoke about her mother and the choice her parents made, to push her to do hard things, to stretch, to reach and not let the fear of failure stop her from trying.
She talked about how her mother wanted her to be independent at school and so had another woman in a wheel chair come to teach her how to fall correctly out of her wheel chair so that she would be able to get back in by herself. By doing this, she gave her freedom from having an aide follow her all day in case she fell. Then she progressed to learning to use braces and crutches. Again, she had to learn how to fall in a certain way so that she would be able to reach her crutches and get back up. She and her mother would go for walks and at any given time, and on any terrain her mother would instruct her to fall and then get back up. Although the learning process was painful and she came to dread the walks with her mother, she attained a level of independance and confidence that could not have be attained in any other way.
As I reflected on this amazing woman's message, I thought of a loving Heavenly Father who sent us here to a mortal life to learn and gain experience that could not be obtained in any other way. Although His purpose is for us to have joy, He allows us to feel pain, make choices, good or bad, and choose to follow His plan of happiness...or not. He has given us instructions and guidance for when we fall, knowing that we would. He has provided a way back to Him despite our imperfections, but will never force us nor deny us the consequences of our choices.
My thoughts then turned to my children and my parenting. Am I preparing my children to fall? I know they will, no matter how I want to spare them pain. But, do I really want to deny them the chance to learn what they have come to learn? I know that the pain of consequences can be the most fertile soil for learning. Am I letting them experience the full impact of consequences while they are still relatively minor stumbles? If I want them to learn to avoid the most painful, unecessary falls I cannot soften the blows as my soft mother heart desires. Am I effectively showing them the path of repentance, mercy, and love that will help them to rise from those falls? Those are lessons they can never learn if I am always there to catch them.
Balancinglove, acceptance, cheerleading, advocacy, with watching, with pain in my heart, as they fall and then struggle to their knees on their own. Teaching them to seek the help of one who knows how to teach them to grow better than I. This is a balancing act I fear I will never master, but I will try because I must bow to the master teacher, and because I love my children.
She talked about how her mother wanted her to be independent at school and so had another woman in a wheel chair come to teach her how to fall correctly out of her wheel chair so that she would be able to get back in by herself. By doing this, she gave her freedom from having an aide follow her all day in case she fell. Then she progressed to learning to use braces and crutches. Again, she had to learn how to fall in a certain way so that she would be able to reach her crutches and get back up. She and her mother would go for walks and at any given time, and on any terrain her mother would instruct her to fall and then get back up. Although the learning process was painful and she came to dread the walks with her mother, she attained a level of independance and confidence that could not have be attained in any other way.
As I reflected on this amazing woman's message, I thought of a loving Heavenly Father who sent us here to a mortal life to learn and gain experience that could not be obtained in any other way. Although His purpose is for us to have joy, He allows us to feel pain, make choices, good or bad, and choose to follow His plan of happiness...or not. He has given us instructions and guidance for when we fall, knowing that we would. He has provided a way back to Him despite our imperfections, but will never force us nor deny us the consequences of our choices.
My thoughts then turned to my children and my parenting. Am I preparing my children to fall? I know they will, no matter how I want to spare them pain. But, do I really want to deny them the chance to learn what they have come to learn? I know that the pain of consequences can be the most fertile soil for learning. Am I letting them experience the full impact of consequences while they are still relatively minor stumbles? If I want them to learn to avoid the most painful, unecessary falls I cannot soften the blows as my soft mother heart desires. Am I effectively showing them the path of repentance, mercy, and love that will help them to rise from those falls? Those are lessons they can never learn if I am always there to catch them.
Balancinglove, acceptance, cheerleading, advocacy, with watching, with pain in my heart, as they fall and then struggle to their knees on their own. Teaching them to seek the help of one who knows how to teach them to grow better than I. This is a balancing act I fear I will never master, but I will try because I must bow to the master teacher, and because I love my children.
1 comment:
Sweet post. It is painful to watch our children fall, but I've never thought of teaching them how to fall. I wish I'd been in your Relief Society to hear her that day.
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